F25

I’m writing this confession with a completely perplexed mind, I don’t know whether it will reach you all correctly but all that I want is a genuine mindshare about the incidents that happened in my life and any possible solution to overcome or solve this amicably.

I got married in the month of June 2024, I met my husband through my friend, we fell in love and got married with our family’s support, When we met for the first time, my husband told me everything about his family, his mother is a second wife of an already married man, he has a younger brother who works in a company, he was very open about his mom and family background and that impressed me so much, we started hanging out and he told me about his past relationships, he was 31 when I met him, his native is kumbakonam, he has been living in chennai since 2015-18 or something, he works in an IT company and earns well he is all alone in chennai as his mother lives in hometown with his brother, hence he has spent all his money in resto bars with girls and hooking up with random girls he connects with through dating apps and resto bars, I don’t know about the exact number of girls he has had been physical but I know there are soooo many of them, When he told me about this I was completely shattered but he convinced me stating that all of it is his past, he will never look out for any girl henceforth, I also accepted it since I found him very open and genuine, later I also told him about my past relationship with my college mate, he keeps asking me about our intimate relationship which has never happened, mine was a typical old school love which we see in movies, we just look at each other at college, spend our time in the ground and cafeteria, roast n make fun of each other, the maximum amount of intimacy which we shared was only hugs&kisses, when I told him all these he never believed it, he kept telling how could a 2 year long relationship does not have any sexual episodes he still does not believe it, with all these happening the other side, we planned to get married just a week before our first love anniversary, I quit my job and started preparing for it, I was one who looked for the venues, booked photographers, sourced clothes, literally everything, his contribution was zero whenever I question about his disinterest in making all the arrangements he tells me we works too hard n doesn’t find time for this, he also keeps saying you are jobless, you have a lot of time so do it, just a week before my wedding I received a msg from my close friend she sent me some screenshots which was a bumble chat between her n my husband, I had no idea he uses bumble n just a week before wedding he has spoken to my close friend he knows her very well but I don’t know how does he not recognise her n spoke the moment she identified him he deleted his bumble n blocked her instagram I got furious after getting to know this, I literally made a huge scene, lashed out at him with all abusive words for cheating me he simply denied stating that is not him someone else uses his bumble, but I know very well that it was him and he lies terribly after a day long fight he convinced me I also accepted since the wedding was so close and didn’t want to hurt my family, we got married and a week later I got a request from my sister’s Hr I accepted, I thought he has requested to wish me for wedding but he had no idea who I was he has just randomly gave request, this I got to know only after chatting with him since it was just a week after wedding there was no trace of my marriage on my insta so he asked me can we meet? I told him I just got married last week and stopped talking the same day, my husband read this chat and asked me why did I accept his req and spoke to him, I told him what I thought initially and how we ended that conversation but he purposely made it big since I hv questioned him on same grounds but both are completely different scenarios later the very next day, I found him talking to a girl on insta I asked his ph to check he refused to give me it became a huge issue we fought veryyy badly hitting each other I badly wanted to find out who he texts so I just logged out of my insta n entered his username and some random password I got the right one during my 5th attempt, I was devasted at what I saw in his Dm, it was filled with random girls, this pervert goes n texts random girls on insta, reacts heart to their stories, calls them out at night to meet, lies about this relationship status and in one of the conversations he revealed to a girl that he had X with a married woman who has a kid this has happened when we were in relationship this time I got uncontrollable anger and made this a huge issue he told his mom everything and fought that woman got mad at me for telling all these about her son and she cursed me for doing this, I was helpless I couldn’t say this to my family bcz he can’t tolerate all this, it became a huge issue n we stopped talking for a few days later I accepted this too just for the sake of my family, everything went well after that for a month and again last week I found him talking to his ex who is also married they have spoken in fb n both of them deleted the conversation her husband has also got to know this meanwhile I also found out the same day, I was soooo fed up bcz this happens as a routine everytime he does something like this and I endup fighting hardly and finally let go of everything for my family…. But this time I took a firm decision that I should accept it anymore I asked him for an official separation from him. Since its been only 2 months divorce will not be applicable but there is a chance for marriage annulment, I spoke to him clearly n expressed my opinion first he told me to go ahead and look for an advocate the same day he apologised n told me he cant live without me, but the very important thing is that he never accepted any of his mistakes everytime he says it was not me, that is not me, I didnt do it, Enala nambavey mudiyathu epdi oruthanala ipdi poi solamudyum? Enaku elam therinjidchunu avanuku theriyum irunthalum he never accepts, this behaviour made me think.a lot of things, I have read about narcissistic people, psychopaths n abusers and everything remind me of him, I seriously doubt he is suffering from some kind of mental illness bcz a normal person can never do any of these, whenever I asked him about all these he only tries to frame me wrong saying you spoke to ur friend u deleted those conversations it is always blame shifting, gaslighting and manipulation whenever I bring out something against him, I can sense very well that he is not normal, its been a day since we spoke after I asked him for official separation. Pls tell me how to take things forward, do u think of him? Will it be ok to continue with him? I’m extremely depressed and im suicidal every single day. Looking for some genuine advice, TIA